Re: Epic Fail and Forum Killer free zone.

Aara · Aara on Fri May 22, 2009 1:13 pm

Grell, face it: no one likes you.

Tsukimoto Myobi · Tsukimoto Myobi on Fri May 22, 2009 3:28 pm

You're so mean, Cial.

shi chan · shi chan on Fri May 22, 2009 7:34 pm

To bad he speaks the truth. Even Sebastian doesn't like you.

Aara · Aara on Mon May 25, 2009 11:29 pm

Sebastian's mine, regardless.

shi chan · shi chan on Tue May 26, 2009 5:47 pm

No fair ... Can't you share the awsomeness? ////

Aara · Aara on Tue May 26, 2009 7:44 pm

No. :]

(I'll share Sebastian, but not Bells.. ;P)

shi chan · shi chan on Wed May 27, 2009 6:42 am

Meanie.

Tsukimoto Myobi · Tsukimoto Myobi on Fri May 29, 2009 10:36 pm

This is going to be an awkward Tora-con. =__="

shi chan · shi chan on Sat May 30, 2009 12:44 am

No way! It's going to be fun!

Aara · Aara on Sat May 30, 2009 1:34 am

Why? xD

(I'm kidding; I don't get jealous over other friends. Just boyfriends. Razz

None of you are a threat; go ahead and be all Grell-crazy, Myobi. x'DD)

shi chan · shi chan on Sat May 30, 2009 1:46 am

Does that mean I can go Maylene crazy!?

Aara · Aara on Sat May 30, 2009 1:54 am

Duh, baka! xD

(Okay.. this is going to sound very weird and completely unlike me in all cases, but things haven't been settling with me right lately. I don't know if I want Emily to cosplay Sebastian. In fact, I don't know if I want to have her cosplay anyone with me, other than the characters she has already purchased and made costumes for. Why? I'm not sure. I'm trying to figure that part out myself. And also very out of character; I'm at a complete loss for words. I can find no way to describe why I feel.. sick? Disgusted? Angry? Regretful? Irate? Hateful? Fake? I don't know. All I know is that over the past month, things have changed, and I am no longer sure of the ground beneath my feet; that solidness that I stood upon so surely. I'm sick because I am extremely afraid of being unsure. I am disgusted because I let things slip away. I am angry because I feel betrayed. I am regretful because I wish I could take back the actions I took which made myself so vulnerable. I am irate because of my vulnerability. I am hateful of myself and others. And fake? Somehow I don't know where that word came from. I don't care to think about it right now, either. So.. who knows. It's 1:55 in the morning, I'm losing my mind, and I always talk too much late at night. The walls which contain me kind of break down around this time; thus why I am off to write Carly's fanfic. But, unfortunately, I'm not really in the mood.. But I'll try. Gah.)

shi chan · shi chan on Sat May 30, 2009 2:15 am

I knew it. you are so bad at lying...I am talking about after you told me that...um...stuff at school and the next Monday I asked and you said everything was fine/perfect and I knew you were lying...You have more of a forced smile and whatnot...antwho if you want to talk I'm all ears.

Aara · Aara on Sat May 30, 2009 2:41 am

Pssh. I lost my knack for lying, apparently. I used to be really good at it before I met Emily. Then I really didn't find a need to lie.

And yes, venting would be nice. I don't feel good, and I'd rather just rant.
And I hate complaining, because people have far worse problems than I.
But for me, this single problem is my world.

This conversation occurred over the weekend, when I came back to school smiling again. THESE ARE QUOTES, because words like these I don't forget.
Emily: "He makes me happy in ways that you can't. I mean, no offense. But we have more in common. I'm as close to him as I am you now."
Me: "Emily, you've known him for all of two weeks. You just started dating two days ago. Don't pull a Cinderella and run off with a prince you dance with for a five minute song."
Emily: "I'm not! You're the one who hooked us up in the first place."
Me: "Don't remind me."
Emily: "Are you mad at me?"
Me: "No, I'm terribly jealous."
Emily: "Why? He asked you out last year and you said no."
Me: "You're RETARDED. I'm not jealous of YOU dating HIM, I'm jealous of HIM dating YOU."
Emily: "Then why did you tell him to ask me to the dance?"
Me: "Because I felt bad that I was ditching you with Jake."
Emily: "You're mad."
Me: "Why yes, I've realized that. Trust me, I am very aware of my emotions."
Emily: "But you don't understand! He and I.. we share something special. It's hard to explain."
Me: "I know what you mean. Believe me."
Emily: "Did you ever have that feeling? Like you can just look in someone's eyes and know everything they're thinking?"
Me: "No. Never."
Emily: "You're being sarcastic."
Me: "Bells, do you want to know what you're thinking right now? You're thinking that Dan has strong hands, his sister is a whore, his parents are divorced like yours, he's a great kisser, you want to date him throughout high school, you're wondering what you're doing sitting on my bed when you could be elsewhere, and you want to go out to a formal dinner with him because you know he'll look like a gentleman. THAT is what you're thinking, and have been thinking this entire time."
There's a long silence. I have to swallow so that I don't cuss, cry, or merely walk away.
Emily: "What happened?"
Me: "To what? Us? I don't know. You tell me."
Emily: "I don't know either."
Me: "But you don't care enough to try and put it into words, because I've always been the one to do the talking."
Emily: "Don't say it that way."
Me: "But it's true?"
Emily: "Yeah."
Me: "Then get used to the silence. I'm seriously out of words."
And then she called her sister, got picked up, and went home.

So for a fake smile, it convinced you for quite a few days.

Aara · Aara on Sat May 30, 2009 3:17 am

Pssh. SCREW IT.
Where would I be without Bella, and since when was I the type to get down and give up?
She can be Dan's Emily and she can be my Bella.
I have to get over it.
If I can't have all of her, as I have for the past eight years, then I'll settle for a little piece.