the amazing *cough* cosplay -show

Once again, I'm going to pretend I know what's going on just for the sake of posting something here. Dunno why, really... I just feel the need... *twitch*

Tsukimoto Myobi wrote:Do you know how sick I was when I posted that?! Ignore it or DIE. =///="

*ignoring it*

Thank you. =___=+

Huh? xD

X'D *Forgotten*

...I gotta go now...Don't take candy from strangers!

K..Kay... O_e

Don't take candy from WEIRD looking strangers.
Some strangers are nice.
*_*???

Is that what you teach Mere, Mal? <XD

No. I teach Meredith that no one is to be trusted, regardless.





AND.
On that note.
I wanted to apologize. This year is a transition year for me; I'm adjusting to the new school, new teachers, new work load. Basically, I adjust poorly to change.

I've been far too outwardly callous and insincere. Honestly, within myself I'm not as unsympathetic and lacking of compassion as I play it out to be. This year I've been too short, too harsh, too quick to be irritated - and I've been angry.
Not at anyone in particular. Just myself; the mistakes I've made, things I've said, actions I've taken impulsively. It's stupid, and I've been acting stupid.

So if I've offended you by having a cruel disregard, or generally acting pitiless and disingenuous, I'm really sorry. I have to work on it - work on my feelings, and accepting them, and knowing that it's alright that they're there; that it doesn't make me weak to feel bad, and that I don't have to replace remorse with anger and loud-mouthed bitterness.

And while I'm at it, I'll apologize for being selfish, bossy, rude, inconsiderate, mean, etc. I have flaws, and they've been far too blown out of proportion these past few months. It's ridiculous, I know. And it's not me - I haven't been me.

Yeah.
I suck at these sorts of things.
I have to find myself again - clean out all the dirtiness I've injected myself with, pray, ask God for guidance, be kinder in general.
So I'm sorry, is all.

That.. was brought on by... nothing that I can see.

It was spot on, but... misplaced. Not to bad with the timing, though...

I'm just glad you noticed because I've been prepared for the last week that, the next time you skimmed over someone's feelings, I would definitely chew you out for it.

Your past life is still there, isn't it? It's selfish to ask someone to change, but I hope those stories you've told of yourself will just be a fad. You don't realize, I think, that you've transited into a much more sensitive field; with much more delicate people.

I thank you for recognizing it yourself, though. If I came to you with an issue about behavior, you's probably shut down (again) and become stubborn.

We can help with your emotions, Mal. Why else would we ever say that we're here for you? We stuck together in the first place because we kept each other in check. We can always make space for you in the little awkward friendship circle if you'd like.

But, now that I've gotten that out, I would like to know in what aspects I have "skimmed over others feelings", so that I may correct it.

I do understand now that you guys are more sensitive. When I first got to know you I wasn't sure, but this year I can definitely tell. More of a liberal group, if I can label it. It's not that I'm insensitive, but I'm not one to "hold hands", per say. Neither is Bella. My whole family is very conservative. If you know the terms, I hope you can understand that?

"An issue about behavior"? Explain?

And the "help with my emotions" is unnecessary. For the past couple months I've misconstrued callousness with strength. I believed lacking feeling was what it took to cope. That's the easy way out, I guess.

I haven't been angry for no reason, though.
Things have built up, and I guess I've "had enough". The straw that broke the camels back? My parents feel it; they know I've been irritated by everything, and when I spill my guts out to them, they agree with me. So some things I won't back down on. Some things which I know I cannot change shall continue to bug me.

Okay:

You don't pay attention when people are talking
You make plans that you don't really know if anyone can join on (hurts)
You pre-plan then get irritated when the rest of us can't play along
You break rules without noticing and get the rest of us in trouble
You lie, a lot, to other people; how do I know you don't lie to me?
Don't tell us about your spending sprees. Unless placed in a certain context; you have to remember that some of us are poor, and we can't get jobs due to other complications.
We should not have to defend ourselves when we come to you and say something is bothering us.
You enjoy beating us into submission with your words. I'm not charismatic. It's an unfair fight right of the bat and I know you know that.
If something your doing is making us uncomfortable yes you must fix it. I will call for a ride home if I'm with you and I'm uncomfortable.
Don't flip me off. It's not okay.
If there is a costume function, and there is a theme, make sure there are still parts for the rest of us. It hurt me quite much when you told me about the Alice and Wonderland function for Halloween, and all the well known parts were already occupied.
No. It's not okay to tell me there will be 5 or 6 people at an outdoor function and we end up having 10 or 12. I was very uncomfortable the whole night.
Jake hurt my feelings and you laughed in my face. I don't care what you think of him, that was inexcusable.
You can't lie to my Mom. EVER. She'll find out, and never let me see you outside of school ever again.
Don't make fun of me and Carly for speech problems at school. It's horribly embarrassing. Online at least softens the blow.
"I do what I want" sometimes gets in the way of prior commitments to your friends, even if they seem "small" to you. Somedays, you just can't put yourself first. Not if someone is sad, or wants comfort; and you want to remain a good friend with them.
Or problems may seem small to you, but they might be big to us. You can't laugh it off or make a joke of it. Never say "Chill" if it already looks like there's tears tugging at someone's eyes.
It's your party, you watch over it. It doesn't matter how old we are. If someone gets hurt and your not paying attention (especially outside) you'll probably leave us behind without even noticing.

That's to name a few that have been more obvious as of late.

And this is where I defend my actions, so that you may see them from my POV:

1. It's difficult to listen to everything everyone is saying all the time. I have to pick and choose. I try and divvy out my attention evenly as best I can. There are ALWAYS going to be times when I can't listen, because I have other things on my mind.

2. Okay. I'm sorry? But again, there are ALWAYS going to be plans made that not everyone can participate in.

3. I'm not sure I know what you're talking about. "Pre-plans"? I don't get irritated when I make plans and people can't make it/can't do it/etc, because that's life. But what is this in reference to?

4. Explain?

5. Explain?

6. You're NOT poor. This is one thing that makes me angry. You're not poor, because you live in FAIRPORT. I don't have a job. I babysit. My brother doesn't have a job. He rakes lawns. My neighbor doesn't have a job. He cleans cars. You live in a fantastic town, go to a great school, and live in AMERICA.

7. I don't waste my breath saying things unless I have to. If I disagree, then I voice my opinion. If you say something, then I defend. I'm sorry if my "words" hurt. But we're in high school, so it's kind of like "sticks and stones" now.

8. That's in reference to Halloween night, correct? You were uncomfortable because we were on Zach's deck, right? Or was it because it was dark, and there were many people? All of the above? I'm going to quote Lauren: we're fifteen now. I'm sorry you were uncomfortable. You could have called to be picked up if trick or treating made you uncomfortable. I can't see how I can "fix" that. There was nothing wrong to begin with. We weren't doing anything different then the little eleven year olds in front of us.

9. I won't anymore.

10. Why? Since when is Halloween about having a "matching theme"? That's ridiculous. Why do I have to change what I want to be for Halloween because it's not "including" everyone? What's with this socialist outlook on life?

11. I'm sorry? But how is this something I can fix? I'm sorry you feel uncomfortable with large groups of people? They're all my friends, and while we're at the "including" business, would it have been nice of me to not invite them because a couple others didn't like big groups? That's not very nice.

12. Jake was using sign language like the immature boy he is to call names. I'm sorry that hurt you. I wasn't laughing at you, nor the situation. I was laughing at Jake's stupidity.

13. When did I lie to your mom? You have to explain for me to understand.

14. I tease you guys, because I figure we're in high school, and are friends, so we can do these things. I tease EVERYONE about grammatical errors, and I make them myself ALL the time. I know you guys are sensitive, but..

15. Please explain the situation. Sometimes, I don't pity people who don't try and help themselves first, when they are perfectly capable. And if this is all in reference to cosplay, then I quit. Because it's a hobby, and if it's upsetting people, then I'm done.

16. Gah. Again, explain the situation. I don't know what you're talking about.

17. Carly tripped down two steps. And she caught herself. What was I supposed to do about that? I have NEVER been blamed for something like that. It's.. a new experience. And something that pisses me off. Emma, think about it. Since this can be relatable: there is say, hypothetically, one staff member for every fifteen attendees at a Con. One stumbles and breaks the heel on their shoe, twisting their ankle. Okay. That sucks. Now if they're hurt, they go home. The staff member can say: next year, no one is allowed to wear shoes with heels, and ruin it for every other person there. I could have said: okay guys, it's dark out, so we all have to walk together at all times and stay at the same door; no one can move on. How fun does that sound?



My dad always tells me, because through his life, he has been made aware: Life is not fair. It will never be fair. It can never be made fair. Many things you said were examples of me "skimming over others feelings" were not me doing wrong, only me not being able to make things fair for everyone.